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In terms of university I discovered something recently, I remember when I was a little boy I had left school and I had nothing to aspire to, nothing that I had wanted to be I just existed. I remember one day I was thinking about my favourite TV show of all time (red dwarf) the main character is designed around a good for nothing beer drinking bum that does nothing. An orphan who has nothing to look forward to. I remember one day saying that's what I will be.

How this relates to university is that when I was doing some work recently, keeping in mind I got it completed early (10k words and 56 pages) I realised that I know I can do better than what I produced. The problem is I had no burning desire to be the best, because it required work and I have no interest in that, it doesn't excite me. It scared me because well this is so consistent with other things in my life, I took no interest in something because it doesn't excite me. Kinda hurt my exam friday there also as I wasn't able to motivate myself to a point where I was excited.

What a different having that meeting resolved has made to me though, drawn a line under that and feeling better about myself all round.

In terms of me, been feeling kinda lonely but kind of okay with it. Better off on my own as there is no one around to make me feel awful. Been a boring routine of staring at a computer screen all day.